“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."
The death of a loved one leaves you in a certain kind of darkness. One that seems to suffocate you. The water engulfing you as you attempt to fight back for that little breath of air. Fighting hard, but the darkness pulls you further and further into the abyss of loss.
Death and loss are weird things when you think about them. They lead to so many different emotions, ones you can't help but feel overwhelmed by.
She was a gentle woman. She brought people into her home and made them feel like part of the family. She meant so much to me and one day, out of the blue, she was taken from me. My family is very Irish, just as every other year we gather together for a day of love and bliss. Everyone excited and celebrating because my grandmother was supposed to be home the next day.
Complications came within 24-hours of this news. Family members rushed everywhere, but no family member gave specific details or information on what was actually occurring. Within the 24-hours of the celebrations my grandmother passed away.
In the coming months the abyss conquered my body, mind, and soul. The harder I tried to escape that abyss the stronger it became and the further down it took me. I lost motivation for anything and everything. Hands reached down to pull me back from this abyss of depression, but they always seemed so far away. Too far away to save me. I did not eat, I did not sleep, I could not care less for my academics or athletics and the relationships with my friends and family suffered immensely.
The death of this woman, this woman who met so meant so much to me, taught me so many life lessons, and was there when things at home got too tough for me to battle. Her home was my safe haven and now that has been taken away from me. It took a long time for me to fight the pull of the abyss and to catch that full breath of air. That breath that gave me the strength and ability to tread water and survive.
Not a day goes by that I hear or see something that does not remind me of her and hit me with a taste of the sadness I was finally able to overcome. Although there is so much pain that still remains, the love we shared as grandmother and granddaughter will be something that no one can take away from me.
Every so often the abyss pulls me back, but I fight harder than ever before and always overcome the waters surrounding me.
